PRINCSSIS may listen

Anyone who knows me and my family will know that I am "Princess Sister" to my three younger brothers. I'm a fairly quiet woman, so when I have something to say, I expect to be heard. I mean no disrespect or place myself on any kind of pedestal. My brothers gave me this name, so I honor them by using it.

Location: United States

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Best Friends - anyone?

I was just over at Heather's and she got me to thinking about some of the insecurities I feel. The biggest one lately has been about friends. I have, in the last 10-12 years had two best friends. With one, we had a falling out. Enough said. With the other, I really don't know what happened. If it was just life going our separate ways or not enough effort on my part? We went to graduate school together. She was from South Africa. For some reason, we hit it off from the beginning. We spent a lot of time together studying not only our classes, but our lives, too. She helped me through some tough things. We were close. After graduation, she worked on her "apprenticeship" for a year a couple hours away. She was determined to return to South Africa and have a family (she was already married when we met, as was I.) She did just that. Her daughter was born just days away from my birthday and the way I understand it, she was named after me. Her name isn't the same as mine, but it means the same thing in the Indian culture. I was honored for it. We communicated frequently. The internet was quite new then. She then called and informed me she was miserable there and decided to come back and complete her doctorate, just 30 minutes from where I live. I was ecstatic! Our kids would grow up together.

Fast forward 6 years. We have had very limited contact since she's been back. I feel I have initiated most, if not all, of it. There was a time I decided not to call her and see if she would initiate some contact. Nothing. Now, she's completed her doctorate and moving like 12-15 hours away. At her going away/graduation party, we barely talked. I didn't know any of her many friends. She promised me, as I said my tearful goodbye, we would see each other again before she left. Again, nothing. I'm wondering if she will give me her new address, phone and /or e-mail address. I have contacts where I could probably obtain that information, but I refuse to be the initiator again. Am I wrong in feeling this way?

It just seems I have to initiate most contact with any of my friends. None are my age - either older or younger. I just want to have someone I can "compare notes" to on marriage, child rearing, life. I get lonely for that. I've tried to be more outgoing and it just doesn't seem to be working. Any suggestions?


Blogger Heather said...

My good friends have happened into my life without any attempt on my part to find them. I think God brings you the people you need. I do understand feeling the need to share with a friend, though.

12:25 PM  
Blogger Blond Girl said...

I have friendships like that; I'm the initiator and finally I gave up initiating. It's hard to say what happened in her world; it could just be that space and time took her attention and once she noticed the gulf, she was too embarrased, busy or taken up with her life to bridge the gap. I've noticed that some friendships are only designed to be a part of our world for a short or specified time span, while there are very very few that can meet the challenge of time and space.

I agree with Heather; God will bring you the friend you need. Having said that, the best way I've ever learned to make friends is to be a friend. This comes easy to me as I'm outgoing. I know it doesn't come as easily for everyone.

I know I'm older, but I'm still hopeful that when Champs and I get there I can help to fill some of the void. At least we can compare notes on family! :-)

8:09 AM  
Blogger trusty getto said...

That's hard. Maintaining friendships is work, sometimes hard work. If both aren't committed, the changes our lives go through will result in distance. Unfortunately, not everyone realizes it until it's too late. Sad.

10:10 AM  

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